BElieve in YOUrself

schedule

2012-02-22T14:22:00.000-08:00

sleep
classes
lunch
work
dinner
homework
volleyball
study
sleep
(repeat)

i have been consumed by all things college. hence, the lack of posts. and i am kicking myself for not being able to write anything because i have so much homework. but, today, i have managed to finish all that is due tomorrow by 3pm. so, here is an update on life.

i'm going to texas with some of my best friends next weekend. words cannot describe how much i am looking forward to going. just a weekend away to do nothing but have fun. no worries, no nothing. just some much needed bonding time!

i'm really enjoying school, even though all my profs decided they hate me and piled on homework in EVERY class at the same time. it's great. i had kids this weekend asking me why i liked it, why i didn't go to MNU because it's so close to home! why travel five hours to come to SNU? my answer was simply this: the community. the family. the sense of belonging you get the first time you set foot on campus. the amount of caring and effort people put into knowing you, helping you and making sure you succeed. it outweighs anything i could have had at MNU. not to mention, as much as it saddens my parents, i am moving on to being on my own. if i was at MNU, that wouldn't have happened. i would go home far too frequently. being on my own is nice. learning to say no, to prioritize. it's a process, but it's a process i'm super happy to be a part of.

class is canceled.

2012-02-16T22:42:00.000-08:00

sheer joy and relief overtakes your entire being when you find out you have a class canceled. even if it's a class you enjoy going to, you still get that i-get-to-sleep-in feeling. if you go to bed at a decent hour, or you're up late doing homework, you still look forward to not having to wake up, or being able to go to class and come back and sleep for the amount of time you would have had your next class. there's nothing quite like knowing that you don't have to finish your homework, or if it is already done, you get some extra time to go over it and make sure it's perfect.

regardless of how much you pay for school, how much time you put into a class or how much you enjoy it, you will always be willing to not go. i promise you that much.

ping pong

2012-02-15T20:27:00.000-08:00

welcome to college. we play ping ping here. religiously. all the time. every day. whether we have homework or not. even if you don't want to play.

next thing you know, we'll be offering ping pong scholarships. that would be nice. i would like that. but as for now, it's a current past time for all students across campus. there has even been a table placed in the first floor lobby of Hills due to the ping pong craze. the paddles suck, and people tear them up. balls go missing like bobby pins do for girls. it's insane how much this school has put into playing. but i'm happy about it.

i surprised some people today because i played for the first time down in Pops. a few friends were in awe because i have always told them that i don't want to play because i'm not very good. i lied. i have a table at home.. i don't play much, but when i do, i play for weeks straight. i've gotten pretty good. just need some time to warm up before each game. i like people being shocked at skills i possess. makes life more entertaining for me, and just makes for a fun game because they don't know what they're getting themselves into. granted, i'm nowhere near the best. not even close. but i'm good. it probably helps that i have a tennis background, so the forehand and backhand come naturally. i use this to my advantage.

needless to say, i've found something to do with my free time.

raddest party ever.

2012-02-14T21:15:00.000-08:00

well, it's valentine's day. again. this is the second one that our family has had without our beloved Poppy. however, i can honestly say that i'm glad. he is in a much better place and pain free. we will all be together again someday!

as for the rest of the day, everyone is happy. people received flowers, candy and were showered in goods and love from fellow students and loved ones. i have never seen so much love in one spot. i've decided to overlook the bitterness of being single and embrace the loving friendships i have with so many wonderful people. today has, without a doubt, been one of the best valentine's days i have ever had. especially at dinner. Qdoba with six wonderful people and the best time i've had in a while.

valentine's day isn't just about being with the one you love. it's about sharing the love with everyone around you. no point in being bitter or mopey. remember, happy girls are the prettiest. (Audrey Hepburn)

weight

2012-02-09T21:35:00.000-08:00

there are a few friends of mine on campus that feel as though they need to lose a large amount of weight. however, they are going about doing so in all the wrong ways.

exercising twice a day, every day when they never used to work out. cutting all foods that aren't salad and fruit. making sure that they don't eat anything "unhealthy". i have stressed to them that there are healthier ways to go about losing and maintaining a healthy weight. unfortunately, cutting carbs and calories cold turkey doesn't work. and exercising so often when you never used to work out at all, is NOT the way to go about losing weight.

you need to start slow and build up to where you would like to be. you need to start out slow, not jump right in to running four miles. your body is not used to that kind of work. also, you can slowly monitor your calories and such slowly and steadily. work your way up to where you would like to be. it's a process.

personally, i believe you can eat anything you want... in moderation. you can still have dessert, just smaller amounts. you can still eat a hamburger, just slow down while you're eating so your stomach has time to realize that it's full. if you are eating something that uses utensils, put them down between bites. it gives your stomach time to realize that it is full, causing you to eat less. don't eat seconds at meals and don't over eat. know when to stop. just because it looks tasty and you like it, doesn't mean you need three platefuls.

honestly, i'm tired of people complaining because they aren't losing weight when they just jump into a diet. you're starving your body. it will over compensate for the lack of food and store more fat because it doesn't know when you will be eating a full meal again. so, moral of the story, you see more results and are healthier if you work yourself up to where you want to be. eating healthy and exercising are key ways to see results, but there are certain ways you need to go about doing so to maintain a healthy weight.

update

2012-02-08T20:03:00.000-08:00

my cousin seems to be doing better. she's progressively being teken off the drain to her brain. however, she hasn't been sleeping very much. due to the lack of sleep, she is anxious and doesn't seem to be handling things well. she said to my aunt and her fiance that she didn't have any friends and that just breaks my heart.

in a time of need, she believes no one is there for her. i don't like that she even had this thought. it hurts me to think of how much she is going through, and thinking that she is all alone.

if we could all just keep her in our prayers, i would greatly appreciate it. i believe in the power of prayer. i've seen it work in lives before, now i just want it to work for her.

LOUD

2012-02-06T23:15:00.000-08:00

it's no secret that i am an extremely loud person. it's almost a trademark. it's expected and when i'm not loud and obnoxious, outgoing and being my normal self, people start to assume something is terribly wrong. that is not always the case. i know it sounds absurd, but i CAN be quiet when i want to be and i think that terrifies people. it's not normal, it's not expected. some people that just met me when school started have legitimately thought that something was terribly wrong when i was quiet for the first time around them. they played twenty questions to figure out what was bothering me, they asked around to see if i had mentioned a problem to someone else. it worries them.

every now and then, it's nice to just be quiet. to sit back and watch life happen. sometimes we need a break from people to collect our own thoughts and regroup. no one is capable of going on forever without a break. no one can stay completely sane when surrounded by tons of people 24/7. it's just not possible. the more i'm with people, the more i realize this. as bad as it sounds, i do need a break from my friends. i love them dearly, but there are times that just call for me time. i have also realized that everyone feels like this periodically. a few of my friends have been this way this week. we get overwhelmed and need time to figure things out. something doesn't go the way we had originally planned, so we need to take the time to pause and figure out what is to come. you can't live forever on a whim.

i have noticed in my own life that the more i spend time with the same people, the more reserved i become. the more i hold back and keep to myself. mixing it up is a necessity. you can spend every day with someone when you're married. as for now, enjoy life and be with everyone. don't give all of your attention to just one person right now. it won't help you in the long run. i'm not saying you can't have a friend that you spend more time with then others, but i am suggesting that you divide the attention. share the love with all the people you care about and devote your time to getting to know more people or investing yourself in relationships that have struggled because you focused solely on that one person. take the time to be quiet and figure out what is required of you to succeed in life.

be quiet. listen. listen to your own thoughts. listen to those around you. listen to God. life isn't always about being heard. sometimes others need to be heard and you're just there to be a set of listening ears, with an open heart and open mind.

valentines day

2012-02-05T20:05:00.000-08:00

alright, first of all, who the heck decided to make this a holiday? if you need a holiday for your man (boyfriend, fiance, husband, whatever he may be) to buy you flowers or take you to dinner, then you deserve a better man. someone who does those things for you without being told. someone who treats you like a princess 24/7.

second of all, banks are closed on Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, Labor Day, etc. banks are still open on valentines day. therefore, by default, it is not a true holiday. its a hallmark holiday. they tell you that you need to buy gifts, cards and candy and y'all fall for it. suckers. no need to empty your pockets on the stereotypical day to do so. why not surprise her? send her flowers when she least expects it! on valentines day, you're expected to do something romantic and that makes it less romantic. spur of the moment is much more respectable then doing something when you're SUPPOSED to do it. be original.

now, for all the single people out there. don't be bitter. get a group of friends together and go do something fun! there is no reason to mope around because you don't have that significant other to spend time with. make the most of your single-ness and enjoy yourself!

also, i apologize to those that read this regularly and were expecting posts. i was a host this weekend for an event on campus and had four wonderful girls visiting and staying in my room. needless to say, i was not home for very long. not long enough to write a post anyways! now they can be expected regularly because i am now back on schedule with everything i blew off for this weekend.

"awkward" moments

2012-02-01T22:23:00.000-08:00

hi <-- thank you jake metcalf.

we have all experienced our fair share of awkward moments. some being purposeful, some accidental, others... well you just can't avoid them. i've noticed that they are fewer and further between when i'm NOT at school. here, we're all awkward.

having people watch you while you put on your chapstick.
dropping utensils/plates/cups in the Ho.
making an utter fool of yourself playing ping pong in Pops.
walking into the wrong class because it's monday, and you thought it wasn't.
you're the only two people in a lobby and an elevator full of people opens up. no one gets off.
that moment when you have to readjust your own drivers seat because someone else drove your car.

the list goes on and on. college life is just plain awkward. but for this, i am thankful. it provides entertainment. it provides an out for those moments that you just can't explain without shouting about how awkward it was. these moments have become so enjoyable that you actually find yourself looking for them. you meet so many more people when you embrace the awkward series of events that occur in college. i never would have met Zach Smith if it weren't for him walking through the lobby when i'm sitting out there EVERY SINGLE TIME he comes up.

with that being said, the awkward moments i have experienced have hands down been some of the best. i've met new people, had great stories to tell and really made my college career (thus far) ten times better.

TRUST

2012-01-31T18:53:00.000-08:00

trust is one of the things in life that is taken for granted the most. that sentence didn't make any sense, but i hope y'all got it anyway.

trust is not just given. trust is earned. trust takes time. trust is optional. trust means you're worthy. when you finally get it, or give it, its great and can improve relationships with friends, family, boyfriend/girlfriend, what have you.

when you lose it, that's a whole different ball game. i don't trust people easily. i'll be nice, i'll be friends, but until you prove yourself to be trustworthy, don't expect me to even consider trusting. it sounds bad, i'm aware, but it has also been one of the better decisions i have made. i used to trust people too easily and i wound up with crappy friends that used me, being pushed around because i was too naive to believe that someone could be so cruel. but you live and learn, you grow from your mistakes and you don't make the same ones twice. i have become a better person, with truer friends, because of it.

on the flip side, if you betray my trust... well, good luck and God bless. hope it was worth it because the chances of you getting it back are super slim to none. unfortunately, i have been known not to trust the same people once its gone...

moral of the story, it isn't nice to mess with people. don't use or abuse your friendships. be nice to people. the golden rule from elementary school, treat people the way you want to be treated. there is no need to lose friendships or hurt the people around you.

movies

2012-01-30T18:13:00.000-08:00

i never realized just how much i love sitting down and watching a movie until i got to college. we watch at least one movie every day, if not more. it's become a habit. one that i'm sure i will be having to break soon, but for now it is completely fine by me.

tonight's viewing = Sherlock Holmes.
level of excitement = outrageous.

movies have become a staple to keeping yourself sane. its a way to kick back and take a break from homework, get away from people, or just entertain yourself when you're bored. either way, you will never be in a room that doesn't have at least one DVD player. maybe even a VHS... i know we have one.

i have broadened my movie spectrum. i have never seen half the movies we have watched. as for the rest, i can quote every line. of course there are the few in between that i've seen, but maybe only once or twice. it has become one of my favorite social events. just the community when we're all in one tiny room together, or taking over a lobby for hours on end. you get to meet so many people that walk through the lobby. you get to learn who is the worst movie talker (myself included). you figure out what scares the crap out of people and how high they can jump when they're seated! we all have our favorite genres, but when no one wants to pick a specific one, well we have gotten to the point when we all just agree on humor when we can't choose. its a pretty solid system.

so, if you need to unwind, i've found that movies are a great way to do so. who knows, you may even make some new friends.

waka waka

2012-01-29T22:09:00.000-08:00

Waka Waka (This Time for Africa) - Shakira

...
"pick yourself up and dust yourself off,
get back in the saddle."
...
"listen to your God,
this is our motto.
your time to shine,
don't wait in line
y vamos por todo."
...

this was the official song for the FIFA world cup in 2010. at first i just thought it was really catchy, until i listened to the words. it's an extremely inspirational song, as well as fun to dance to. what i like the most though, is the fact that it's empowering. it gives you that sense of "i can do anything" and sometimes that's all we really need. especially in times of need, hurt and just confusion. that feeling that you're able to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back to life. nothing can keep you down for too long.

it's easy to forget how strong we can be until being strong is our only choice. fight for what you want. if you don't you will never know what may or may not have happened because of it.

why?

2012-01-28T20:30:00.000-08:00

why is one of the most popular questions people have been known to ask.

why can't i go?
why won't this work?
why did he/she do that?

what i want to know is why people suffer.

i received a phone call today from my dad. he told me that my cousin had suffered from a cerebral hemorrhage and that she has bleeding in her brain. she had continuous headaches and nothing was thought to be out of the ordinary, until she woke up and was found on the ground, holding her head, by her grandma. they rushed her to the ER and she has now been put in intensive care. they are doing the best they can to keep her well. she's been induced into a coma, being woken up every hour to test her vitals. she's making some progress, but nothing will be known for sure until monday because they can't do anything to check her brain during the weekends. they believe it may be a birth defect.

why her? why now? she's getting married soon. this isn't fair. why must people that have done no wrong be the ones to suffer? why must these things happen out of the blue when we least expect them and when they aren't deserved. if God loves us so much, why would he cause such stress and agony in our homes, to our family. it doesn't make sense to me. it never will.

a similar situation happened a few weeks ago to my friend. she lost one of her closest friends and was a wreck for a while. i now completely understand how she felt, how that vicious strike of information can do such damage. why such good people? he was going to lead worship at a youth camp for the weekend, got in a car wreck and was flown to a hospital in California. he didn't make it..

what i don't understand is why these series of events happen at such inopportune times. she's made it this long without anything going severely wrong. so why now? now that she's planning a wedding, doing better than she ever has for herself. she's happy. granted, her life expectancy has increased significantly, and as of right now, she's doing really well, but i still don't understand why it needed to happen.

i know we shouldn't question God, or his authority. but it's times like these when i really second guess His decisions.

community

2012-01-26T21:09:00.000-08:00

i had always heard the term "community" used around my church while i was growing up. spending time with others, being in the presence of people you like, dislike, have things in common with or not... but it wasn't until i got to SNU that i fully understood the meaning of the word.

community here is not taken lightly. but it isn't enforced. it's purely up to you how involved you are. i chose to jump right into school events and immediately got to know the vast majority of the entire student body. because of that, i can honestly say that i have never felt so in touch with everyone, so loved. i cannot imagine living anywhere and not knowing everyone. unfortunately, because of this, there are no secrets. that's okay, we don't need them. it's better that way, no one gets hurt. it's a giant extended family. we all care for one another, we are all involved in each others lives. we support one another, we cry with one another. this not only includes students, but staff as well. i have never met a more caring group of professors in all my life. sure, i had teachers in high school that would go the extra mile to get to know a little bit more about me, but it was nothing like this.

being here has opened so many more doors for me. it has given me experiences i will never forget. i'm proud to be part of the Crimson Storm. that's new for me. i was never really a fan of my high school, i thought i could do better than being there. i was wrong and i may have pushed people away that could have been great friends. here, it's my family. i have more SNU shirts than i know what to do with. i paint my face, i go to every game. i AM part of the Storm. and there isn't a single thing in the world that could replace that feeling of belonging.

basically, i love my life. i love where i'm at. there is still plenty of room to grow and improve. as of this very minute, nothing could be better.

spanish

2012-01-25T21:38:00.000-08:00

being a spanish minor, i obviously am required to take spanish classes. the one i'm in now is intermediate spanish 2. it's a three hour course, meeting monday, wednesday and friday for an hour. after that hour in class, i find is EXTREMELY difficult to revert back to english. this is when i realized just how much i love speaking another language. i often find myself thinking in spanish and it takes me a fair amount of time after class to go back to speaking english. as soon as i walked out of class, i was acknowledging someone that walked by me. but i did it in spanish. oops. half of my notes are in spanish, without trying to do so. it has become a part of me.

i have discovered yet another passion in my life. not only do i love teaching children, love having a classroom full of them, but i would LOVE to have hispanic kids in my class. i want to use my spanish. i want to converse. i want to travel to spanish speaking countries. there is a mission trip that the school is doing in may when school gets out and the trip is to Peru. Peru. i believe it's a 12 day trip. to PERU. i want to go so bad i can't even sit still. i've found that you are better at the things that you love to do. this is one of my all time favorite things. i love going to class. i love speaking it.

i text in spanish. i think in spanish. i take notes in spanish. if that's not true love, i don't know what it. before i die, it's on my bucket list to go to at least 2 different spanish speaking countries. i want to experience the culture, eat REAL spanish cuisine. i want to adapt to another lifestyle.

i want to "be" spanish.

slap to the face

2012-01-24T23:15:00.000-08:00

before i start, no i didn't slap anyone nor did i get slapped. just a disclaimer.

everyone has those moments when God metaphorically slaps you in the face to get your attention. i had one of those moments tonight, thanks to a couple really good friends of mine. it was brought to my attention that what is meant to be, will be. i can't change the way things are supposed to work. i can't make someone do something that doesn't seem to be in the books for them. situations like this remind me of the move Bruce Almighty, when he learns that you cannot change free will. you can't. it's as simple as that.

whether it has to do with friends, siblings (or family in general), dating... you can't make someone change their mind. no matter how much you want them to, or how much you try, you cannot mess with free will. as awful as that seems, it's actually quite beneficial. you strengthen yourself: heart, mind and soul. you learn more about yourself as a person than you ever thought possible. you may not end up with the results that you were wanting, but you end up with what was meant to be.

if something is meant to be, it will happen eventually. regardless of how much you try to influence the situation, if it isn't meant to be, there is no hope and you are wasting your time and energy. not to say that the person or cause isn't worth it, it's just not right for you.

it's the same in relationships. from friends, to more than friends. if it's meant to be more, there will come a time when you both know it and it will be great. if not, why waste a friendship? have an open mind and make your friendship even stronger. just because it wasn't "meant to be" in the dating sense of the phrase, doesn't meant that y'all can't be even closer friends. who knows, maybe that's where you're both supposed to be.

i often find myself asking God why. why would He put us through such heartache and anguish if there was no point? if it's not meant to be, why give us the opportunity to feel that there is a chance? it's simple. not everything is meant to work. not everything will go your way just because you would like it too. God is teaching lessons. this one being that you need to teach yourself how to control your emotions. it's still okay to feel hurt, to be upset. don't take this as a "suck it up, rub some dirt on it" kind of message. you need to be able to pull back on the reigns and figure out what is truly worth it. if you don't learn how, you will put yourself through endless suffering, not only in relationships, but in all other events in your lives. it teaches us to grow as people. it may even end up giving you the best friendships of your life.

it's good to have your sights set on something. you just need to know when to draw the line between determination and desperation.

temper

2012-01-23T22:15:00.000-08:00

my temper will forever get the best of me. recently it has come to my attention, thanks to a dear friend, that i am too quick to act on said temper. it has gotten the best of me multiple times in the last few months and i hate it. so i'm changing. not for anyone else but myself. it just so happens that it will benefit all those around me because they will be able to have a civil conversation with me without worrying about lighting the fuse to an explosion.

i don't like being quick to judge. i don't like getting mad at people. it's physically impossible for me to hold a grudge. with anyone. at all. ever. so why blow up in the first place? it doesn't make sense, i know. i feel like i'm pushing people away, because i probably am. and yet no one has ever said anything to my face. it makes my stomach hurt. knowing i treat some of my closest friends that way absolutely kills me and i can't stand it anymore. i lose sleep, i don't eat. it's awful, i feel like the worst person alive. i don't like being this way.

i'd like to blame it on genetics or something, just bad genes. but have you met my parents? there's no such thing as "bad genes", so it's just me. just a short tempered kid from KC. not anymore. i'm going to fix the problem. whether someone pushes me to my limits or not. whether i want to high five them... in the face... with a chair or not... things will get better.

and for those of you that know me, and don't think that it is even remotely possible? i have two words for you: watch me.

procrastination

2012-01-22T17:00:00.000-08:00

i have mastered the art of procrastination. that's definitely not a good thing. but at the same time, it relieves some stress. i can keep my homework that's due tuesday to do monday night and just do the stuff that is due monday over the weekend. throughout the week, i get back on a homework-every-night schedule but weekends just aren't good for me... i know that's not how it should be, and my priorities are a little out of whack. but it just works best that way and i don't get overwhelmed! it's a solid strategy and i get all my work done by the time it's due. so it's cool.

i need to get out of this habit. that's one of my goals for this semester. i'm working on it... starting next weekend. i have a ton of stuff to do right now so this is a GIANT distraction, but i had to get my post done for tonight. so there's that. getting stuff done.

double standards

2012-01-21T22:16:00.000-08:00

one of my biggest pet peeves in the ENTIRE world is when people have double standards. partially because i was raised in an environment where having two sets of standards was frowned upon. my sister and i had to obey the same rules, and if they were broken, we had equal punishments.

i do understand that different times, under certain circumstances, may call for different reactions or different responses to whatever may have happened. however, i do not understand the constant need to change things up with every person. i have noticed this around campus more then i ever have anywhere else. granted, not all of it pertains to me, but i have seen what some of the effects of these reactions have on people. it's not okay, and quite frankly, people don't deserve to be treated like that.

not only have i seen people have different standards amongst their friends, but they also have different standards for themselves. it's okay for them to tweet 300 times a day, but when their friends do it, they unfollow whoever it is that is tweeting obnoxious amounts. really? something that stupid? i just don't understand the incessant need to cause problems. even though i will probably cause some by writing this.

play nice. get along with people. if it bothers you, ignore it. don't change up the game just because you can. that's not fair to everyone else around, and they will never live up to your standards if you keep changing them every time they do something you don't like. no one is perfect.

frozen grapes

2012-01-19T20:15:00.000-08:00

you learn so many crafty things when you get to college!

1. frozen grapes are delightful.
2. microwaving cookies sets off the fire alarms.
3. peanut butter and pizza rolls are a staple to the college diet.
4. P90X is awful.
5. Breakfast at Tiffany's is even more distracting when you're doing homework.

just some tips and tricks. it's the little things like this that keep people coming back to your room! :)

short post tonight, TONS of homework.

sharing clothes

2012-01-18T22:48:00.000-08:00

though not an entirely new concept for me, sharing clothes has become something that is taken for granted in my life. it sounds weird, and to be honest, a little dumb. sharing clothes has meaning. whether it's being good enough friends to share with your roommate, best friend, or it's the comfort of wearing your dad's sweatshirt around the house (or for those it applies to, your boyfriend or brother). it shows you care about someone, you miss someone, or you just like the familiarity of wearing dad's sweatshirt. there's just something about having these items in your possession that make difficult times easier. long day of crappy classes, go home and put on a sweatshirt twice your size. rough day at work and don't feel like functioning the rest of the night, go home and borrow some sweats from your roommate.

i know for me, sometimes it's nice to sleep in my dad's old Indiana sweatshirt. i've had this thing for YEARS and yet it still holds the same importance. it's my dad's. no matter how long i have it, it will always be his. and it's nice having a little piece of home on the off chance i get homesick or just want to have a piece of my family. having the blanket my sister made me for christmas two years ago has the same effect. the pillows on my bed that my mom helped me pick out when she came down to visit for the day, or the backpack she picked out with me when my computer case was too big. just the little things that remind you of whatever you need to make you feel comfortable.

being able to have access to these items may sound dumb and minuscule, but in reality, they allow you to be in your own comfort zone, whatever it may be, whenever you need it. and that is worth more than words can describe.

cursing

2012-01-17T17:38:00.000-08:00

i'll be the first to admit that when i get mad, a few choice words have a tendency to work their way out of my lips... it's not something i'm proud of, nor is it something that has gone unnoticed. certain people, certain situations have a tendency to bring out the worst in me and i am aiming to fix it. i'm not proud of this trait by any means and putting it out there for everyone to see is definitely not one of the easiest things i have done. some have addictions to drinking, smoking or other forms of illegal substances. as for myself, i just can't control what comes out of my mouth until it's too late and have to suffer the repercussions.

what repercussions you may ask? people think of me differently. they give me those looks like "we expected more of you." and to be honest, i expect more of myself. which is why i'm making the conscious effort to pay closer attention to my thoughts before putting them into words. while yes, sometimes those choice words do such a good job conveying just how angry i am, how wrong things are going, they aren't right and i need to figure out better ways to convey my emotions and handle myself.

instead, i'm choosing to keep my thoughts to myself. i know many people that don't believe this to be possible, but trust me, when i want to do so, i can keep to myself so much it scares people. not that scaring them is a better alternative. because i am so loud, people often mistake my silence for problems, or that i don't feel well. most cases, you're right. but when the time comes, i will now be silent. taking deep breathes to gather my thoughts and calm my raging temper. i will no longer let my words get the best of me.

i've said it before, and i'll say it again. it's cliche to say that i'm growing, because that typically means that i'm not, that i just think that i am. but i really do feel as if this is an executive decision that should have and could have taken place long ago. but i'm being the bigger person then my "other self" and taking control of the situation.

not to mention, it's just not very classy. and if that's not enough motivation, then i don't know what is.

DUMB.

2012-01-15T22:25:00.000-08:00

okay, i have a legitimate reason for not posting one today. the wifi at school was being stupid and wouldn't load my blog. i don't know why, but i was furious.

i've come to the conclusion that guys under the 5''5' height suffer from LMS. affectionately known as Little Man Syndrome. the effects of said "disease", if you will, are severe jerk like symptoms, smart alloc comments and just the overall tendency to make everyone around them want to punch them in the face. unfortunately, i have recently discovered a number of these "men" running around campus. beware.

as for the rest of them, learn from these poor souls. they will continue to push people away until they have no one else beside them and they will have to repair every relationship they have ever had with anyone. don't make it hard for yourself, just move on, accept the fact that you aren't the tallest kid alive and stop being so blunt and rude with everyone and their mother. it's not attractive, it's actually rather annoying and no one wants to hang out with you. i'm just informing you so that you can avoid having these same issues. learn from other people's mistakes.

i will be posting again today as scheduled, but this one will count for 1/15 because the wifi was being dumb. fyi.

kansas restaurants

2012-01-14T18:16:00.000-08:00

kansas doesn't have the good stuff. i've noticed that more now that i'm in oklahoma. we don't have braum's in kansas. we don't have whataburger or in-and-out. the best places to go, and we have none of them. what's up with that? i don't understand why it is so difficult to move these franchises a little bit further north. we have everything else, why not these three token places? they're delicious, frequently visited and inexpensive for college kids.

i'm stumped.

own it

2012-01-13T09:21:00.000-08:00

lately it seems that i have met so many people that are scared of their own shadow. they don't want to stand up in front of the class, they don't want to take control of a situation... the list goes on.

in our house, we're Felters. i AM Sam Felter. capable of completing all things, and completing them with proficiency and efficiency. i have embraced that role so much so that i am more outgoing in things that i do around campus, at work, and with people in general.

to see others struggling with that baffles me. if you have an opinion, and the time allows for you to do so, make it known. don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. don't get carried away with it and be obnoxious, but know that you can do anything you set your mind too. it just surprised me to see that so many people struggle with being able to voice what they feel, or let their actions speak as loud as their thoughts do. if something is keeping you from being comfortable or fixing a problem, do something about it! you are *insert name here*!

i've noticed that i have become friends with people i never thought i would be friends with because that wall was knocked down. i'm no longer afraid of what people think of me and it has allowed me to get to know so many new and interesting people that i am now such good friends with, people have actually asked how long we have known each other even though it has only been for a few short months. get out there! get to know people and let them get to know you! it really is life changing, for the better.

education

2012-01-12T12:40:00.000-08:00

first day back in classes. waking up was ROUGH this morning. but, i'll get back into the swing of things by next week. oh, and we have a three day weekend this weekend. can't think of a better way to start off the semester!

Tues./Thurs. classes are going to be fantastic. i know so many more people after my first semester and have tons of friends in each class. that should help with questions on homework and just having someone to work on homework with. i look forward to furthering my education with these friends, as well as just getting to know them better this semester.

my classes are mostly gen. eds. this semester, which is not exactly what i wanted, but it will do. next year will consist of knocking out some more courses that are required of Ed. majors.

short post today, but it's a god one. that was originally a typo, but i decided to leave it because it's true. being here, doing what i love with people i love is truly a God thing. i was not put here on accident, i believe i am meant to be here, furthering my life and others for His kingdom. God is at work. i can feel it.

failed.

2012-01-11T07:37:00.000-08:00

well, i have already failed. i started this as a project to write something every day this year, and i missed last night. granted, i just moved back in and was with everyone that i had missed for the month i was home. however, i really wish i had remembered to do this... i'm kinda bummed now. oh well, now i just have today to post. and it's an apology. which really isn't a post. so i might do one later, depending on when i have some time.

any who, on another note. here's some insight on things that occur when you get back to school after being gone for a month.

the vending machines are empty. no one refilled them because we were gone...
the ho is only doing two meals today. aren't there usually three in a day? oh well.
registration. nuff said. gonna be a mad house.
it's nice outside. it's a shorts and hoodie kind of day.
my jeep is in the shop... i'm carless. and while i don't usually drive much to begin with, it still feels funny.
ashley and i had a sleepover last night because neither of our roommates were here last night and our rooms are lonely when you're by yourself.
i missed everyone.
we have a new suitemate, Kelsey. she's nice... and sane. so that's good. no more crazy ones.
whataburger is fantastic. kansas needs some of those. i missed HBCBs.

that about sums it up. college life. man, it's great.

alabama

2012-01-09T21:49:00.001-08:00

i cannot stand alabama. but out of the kindness of my heart, i cheered them on tonight for Sharon and Renda. seeing the joy it brought both of them was enough for me.

no "sermon" tonight. no long lecture on how to do something better. no complaining about the world.

simply finding joy in others. nuff said.

encourage

2012-01-08T17:07:00.000-08:00

we all enjoy words of praise, but have you ever sat down and realized just how beneficial they are? both to you and those around you. words of encouragement are often taken for granted. people expect it when they do well.

some can't function without the words of encouragement received from others regularly. they have such negative thoughts about themselves or their abilities that they NEED these words to succeed, or even survive.

some use and abuse the praise they receive from others. they believe in themselves so much that when praise is given, it's shrugged off like it wasn't necessary and it becomes meaningless.

some try their hardest to succeed all things they attempt to accomplish. that last word of encouragement is all they need to push them to that point. they get the "i really can do this" feeling, like someone truly believes in their abilities.

whichever one you may be, words of encouragement are present in daily life. they can change your entire outlook on a situation, they can enhance your mood, thus making those around you happier. what you choose to do with the praise is up to you, but you'd be amazed how you feel after realizing that no one HAS to encourage you to do anything. people do it because they really do want to see you succeed, push you to do great things, and maybe even overcome that little voice in your head that tells you that you are incapable of completing something.

you can do it.

music

2012-01-07T12:23:00.000-08:00

music = life. radio, iPod, CD, Spotify, Pandora, YouTube... it's a slight addiction when you have all of the above running at some point or another, or simultaneously, throughout the day, all day, every day. i'm sure i'm not alone, but it seems like i need music to function regularly. i cannot handle silence under any circumstances. i get too fidgety. people have told me that it's because i'm avoiding my own thoughts, or trying to run away from something that hurts or makes me upset. i just think it's because it's soothing, dance-y and can relate to my life.

on the off chance that i can't find something to say, music says it for me. along to a catchy tune. over the years, i have found numerous songs with lyrics that relate to what events i'm going through in my life. whether it's a hot summer day and i'm driving around town with friends jammin' to Taio Cruz, Justin Bieber or insert catchy artist here, or it's a breakup and i choose country music because, well lets face it, that's 90% of all country songs. there's a song for every scenario.

i played the violin for two years, 5th and 6th grade. i had always loved music before then, but i believe that's what really put me over the edge. being able to play music. it may not have been the music i listen to on a daily basis, but having the ability to produce music myself. through junior high and high school, my music library multiplied, then doubled, then grew rapidly out of control. i can't get enough. new bands/artists, new genres, new songs... they just kept coming. it became a way of life to have music playing constantly. i never go anywhere without it. i can't DO anything without it... cleaning, homework, working out, sitting in my room and just staring at the ceiling... there is always music. always.

it began as background noise, just something to stir the air. then i began to relate to the lyrics, which eventually escalated to relating songs to my life, seeking them out to explain to others. though i'm not really one for telling people every detail of every aspect of my life, music opened doors to expressing myself. whether it was song lyrics as a status on facebook, or playing certain songs in certain situations to give hints as to what mood i was in. i didn't create it, but i embraced it.

"your lips keep tryin' to speak, but you just can't find the words..."
-Lady Antebellum

relationships

2012-01-06T08:43:00.000-08:00

DISCLAIMER - i won't use any names, i don't want to throw people under the bus. and all examples are because of things i have witnessed, heard about. i do not side with only the girl or guy in any situation.

to the girls with a new boyfriend every week.
the guys that date a girl because she's "easy".
to the guys that decide they don't want a girl with her own thoughts.
to the girls that expect way too much from a guy. and vice versa.

i could go on for days...
unfortunately these scenarios are so common, no one thinks anything of them anymore. so what if a girl has a new boyfriend every week? i guess they just didn't get along well. FALSE. she doesn't know what she wants. she may not have gotten along with some of them, i'm not saying that's entirely false, but for the majority of her relationships, the guy was a dirtbag, he treated her too well, *insert excuse here*.

yes. i did say he treated her too well. when did that become a problem you ask? well, i don't know about ALL girls obviously, and i'm not claiming that i do. girls have a tendency to date guys that aren't worth their time, with the thought that they will be one day. that the girl can change the guy for the better. well honey, as nice as that sounds, it just ain't gonna happen. sorry... so when the girl realizes there is nothing to change about the ONE GOOD GUY they have dated, they can't handle it. it bothers them so much that it starts to make them think that he really is too good for her. so yes, it has even gotten to the point where the good guys don't stand a chance because they are too good.

guys, you don't want a girl that's "easy". lets have SOME class. or even pride. do you really want to introduce that girl to your family? do you see yourself in a serious relationship with that girl? cause i don't. sure, there are exceptions. but 9/10 times, that relationship doesn't last more then a month. just because a girl is quiet, or is more modest when she gets dressed in the morning, doesn't mean she's crazy or weird. it just means that she cares enough to protect herself from the morons that only like the easy girls. truth be told guys, girls see what you're doing. we aren't stupid. oblivious at times, tell ourselves it's not true because we don't want it to be, but we aren't stupid. i'm not talking about dressing like a nun. who really wants to do that. but because a girl doesn't wear a shirt that shows her stomach, has such a deep V that everything is falling out and skin tight booty shorts, doesn't mean she isn't worth your time.

now, as for the guys that give up on girls because they have their own opinions. shame on you. everyone is entitled to their opinions. everyone. man up, accept it and get to know her. it might cause some bickering, but just know that "to each his own" applies in any situation where opinions are involved. don't blow it out of proportion and bail just because you don't have the same favorite super hero and for some odd reason she thinks Batman is cooler then Ironman.

the most common problem i have noticed, especially after my first semester in college, is that girls are expecting SO much from guys. and guys from girls. we aren't here to wait on each other, we aren't taking orders. girls expect guys to be able to read their minds and just know what they should do, or what they have done wrong. i'm going to let you in on a little secret.... boys aren't superheroes. they really aren't even that super! stop expecting each other to do and be so much more then really needs to be done. you're just causing yourself more problems and setting them up for failure because there is honestly nobody on the planet that can successfully live up to all of our expectations.

give people a chance. get to know them BEFORE you make it "official". boys, take her out to dinner, compliment her. they like that. girls, stop looking for projects. you don't need to fix every guy you date, nor can you. enjoy your times together. who knows, you might last longer than you thought.

just remember, relationships are for when you're ready... not lonely.

college

2012-01-05T09:33:00.000-08:00

i'm the oldest kid in my family. that means i'm the first to go to college. i was absolutely terrified. looking back to the beginning of the semester, i have no clue why i was so worried.

i don't get homesick, i loved my classes, my major is the best of all that are offered, and i have made so many wonderful new friends. i almost don't like coming home! well, i do. but i miss my friends, i miss the campus, i miss the activities. i love being on my own. making my own decisions. i feel like i have really learned a lot and have become a more mature person. saying that, well, that probably cancels out that theory. however, it's how i feel. i have made mistakes by staying up all hours of the night, and wanting to die the next day in classes. needless to say, i haven't stayed up that late again. it's a process, much like everything i do now-a-days.

it has been one of the greatest experiences i have had in my years of school. i LIKE it. i WANT to be there. i come home to see my family, and i want to go back. whether it's just for the people and activities or for my classes. the professors are wonderful and they truly care about your well being and success. i have never had a teacher put in as much effort as they have. day or night, there are there to answer your questions to help you do the best that you can. yes, most teachers are like that, but there is just something about theses ones that just sets them apart from all the others.

going to a Nazarene school, we have chapel twice a week. i was dreading it. without it on those two days, i could be done with classes an hour earlier, i could do so much in that time. after a semester of chapel, my point of view has completely flipped. i love going to chapel for the social aspect as well as the time alone with God. worship is the best because it is led by my fellow classmates and friends. overall, it's a great experience.

the sense of community we have, being on such a small campus, is incredible. everyone knows everyone. you can't go anywhere without someone starting a genuine conversation with you. professors can be seen eating lunch with students and coworkers, students of all ages playing ping pong in Pop's. age is just a number and that has been made clear around school. people don't treat you differently because you're a freshman, junior or even 5th year senior. it doesn't matter and that, to me, is one of the main differences between high school and college.

i wouldn't trade any of my time here for anything else in the world. i love it. i have never had so much pride in my school. nor have i ever WANTED to be at school the way i love being here. i can't see myself being anywhere else.

runner's high

2012-01-04T20:53:00.000-08:00

there are so many people in this world that claim to hate running. yet, they don't have a reason to, nor do they try it enough to know that they "hate it". i used to think the same thing. i learned that you can't know if you truly hate something without trying it multiple ways. so i signed up to run a half marathon with my mom.

the training was brutal.
i was out of shape.
i had shin splints.
the "necessary gear" cost a fortune.
we woke up early to run in: cold, wind, mists/sprinkles, heat...

there were so many things telling me to stop running, that it wasn't worth it. but i had made a commitment. (and paid a fair amount to run in the half marathon!) i got new shoes, fit to my feet, to solve my shin splint problems. i got into better shape with time, and effort. sure the clothes and shoes weren't cheap, but i still use them. they have more then covered what they are worth. as for waking up early, well that still stinks... but by the time everyone else is just waking up, i'm already done with my workout and ready to move on with the day.

running has taught me valuable lessons, not just with my pace and breathing, but in life as well. not only am i a much more skilled runner today than i was last year, but i have the endurance to conquer tasks i didn't have the patience for this time last year. running has become an escape, a passion. if nothing else, then just to spend time with my own thoughts, uninterrupted. it's time to sort out my problems, fix schedules, be alone with God.

the camaraderie while running is astounding. complete strangers become the friendliest people in passing. "good morning!" "good job!" "keep it up!"... subtle words of encouragement and kindness persuade others to keep going when they don't think they can go any further. it gives you hope to conquer the hill in front of you. you are invincible, the wind can't hold you back. you become an unstoppable force of nature. and there is honestly nothing else, that i have found, that can even compare with the rush you get from that run.

running is a sport. running is a hobby. running is an outlet. running is a passion.

running is a way of life.

logic behind the blog...

2012-01-03T21:49:00.000-08:00

just for clarification purposes, i figured i would explain myself.

i'm doing this for me. and whoever wants to read it. it's an outlet for me to speak my mind, whether people listen/read or not. you can voice opinions, comment or respond in any way you choose. but this way, i can say what i want and get my opinions and thoughts out there. it's perfect for the times when i should keep my mouth shut, until the right moment. it's perfect because no one has to listen. if you don't like it, stop reading. everyone wins.

i write for the love of writing. i write because i feel like my thoughts are sometimes important enough to be put on paper. or in this case, typed out. mostly, i just write because i know this is a way that i can express myself. i may not be good with words in person, i get tongue tied and lose track of my thoughts. but this is one thing i was gifted with, my ability to put my thoughts onto paper.

so for those of you that take the time to read my posts, however frequent they may or may not be, i thank you and look forward to your feedback. for those that choose not to, more power to you.

you too should do something for yourself. who knows, it may help in the end.

home

2012-01-02T20:33:00.000-08:00

dictionary.com says a home is a house, apartment, or other shelter that is the usual residence of a person, family or household.

to me, home is where your family is. your friends. it's where you lay your head down at night. i consider myself to be one of the luckiest people around. you see, i not only have my home where my parents and sister live, but i too have my home at school, where everything i own currently resides, as well as my home at my three best friends' houses. it's where i live, where i spend my time both by myself, in my room with my 6 suitemates, and with all of my friends. it's where we unwind, can be ourselves and do what we feel like doing because, at home, it doesn't matter what people think of you.

home is sacred. home is warm. home is the one place you will ALWAYS be welcomed with open arms.
home is also one of the things people take for granted these days.

either way, home has it's own importance to people. the phrase "to each his own" comes to mind. and for that, i am thankful that we can all have our opinions.

gratefulness.

2012-01-01T22:17:00.000-08:00

it's a new year. if you couldn't tell by everyone's facebook statuses already...

i decided i don't say thank you near enough to the people that i care about the most in life. and, with it being a new year and all, i have decided to do just that. not only recognizing these people, but putting it in writing and online for all the world to see just how amazing these people are.

in no particular order, i would like to say thank you to the following people:

a dear friend, and current boss, Robert C. for getting me the best roommate i could ever ask for, helping me choose the best school in the universe and being one of the coolest boss' i have ever had.

Gerald and Dianna, not only for allowing myself and everyone else from College Church to be welcomed into their home so often, but to truly care for all of us individually. it has been a real pleasure knowing you both all these years, and to really get to know you over this past school year and summer break. thank you for all you have done for me and for continually welcoming me back!

Avery S., thank you for being one of the best friends i could ever ask for. thank you for understanding my strange little quirks and loving me for me. i know i can really trust you and come to you as i am with anything and that means the world to me. you're like a little sister to me and you mean the world to me. i look forward to spending time with you when you finally arrive at SNU. :) and as for now, thank you for being a bright, smiling face to come home to see!

Kayla Ferg. dear, dear me. how thankful i am to have you in my life. dinners weekly since what, 4th grade? i'm so glad you are a part of the family and feel comfortable just hanging out with everyone, even when i'm not here! :) i'm thankful to have you to confide in, laugh with, and most of all, i am thankful to be able to come home and know that you will be here! the same as ever, ready for another florida vacation!

Aunt Kim and Uncle Greg. though not technically family, it sure feels like it! i am forever grateful to have you both as family and as such solid people to look up too! i'm thankful that you have such great girls who are both very dear to me. i look forward to yet another family vacation with you all this summer!

Riley K. thank you for providing me with quality entertainment periodically while i am away at school. i enjoy your sense of humor and am so thankful you share it with me in what always seems to be the right time! felter out. :)

Jake M. thank you for being one of the best, best friends anyone could ask for. you've managed to stick it out about 6 years or so! impressive ;) i am so thankful to have someone to run to when i need a laugh, or just to vent about life. though we may want to slap each other at times, i know i can always count on you to be there for me and that means so much to me. and i never say it enough. i'm more then thankful to have you in my life.

Maddo. my other half. but we aren't dating. ;) long-lost-parent-trap-sister. i love that we clicked so well so quickly! you're so much fun to be around and there is NEVER a dull moment. i am very thankful to have met you and be given the opportunity to get to know just how fantastic you truly are. thank you for putting up with my frustration, and tolerating me at my worst. being there to comfort me when i'm in tears, and someone to laugh with till we cry. i look forward to many more adventures with you and what the years to come bring us!

Riley M. and Preston G. thank you for the never ending laughs and good times you have provided me with. thank you for the opportunity to get to know you and discover just how wonderful you two really are. i may be a pain at times, and i thank you for always being willing to spend more time with me! you're troopers!

Curtis H. thank you for your endless supply of joy and for never ceasing to let trouble, sadness or frustration stop you from seeing the glass as half full and allowing God to truly take the wheel. you are an inspiration and i thank you for that constant light and point of view.

to my little sister, Erin. thank you for being you. i wouldn't change a thing. you may be annoying and a huge pain at times, but i would not change anything for the world. you mean so much to me and i don't tell you anywhere near enough. it should be on a regular basis that we get along, though it is more so now then before i left. i enjoy your enthusiasm about life and believe you will grow up to achieve greatness and i look to be there to support every move you make.

to my parents. thank you. for everything. for raising me the way you did, for your constant push to be the best that i can be and your support along the way. thank you for believing in me when i don't believe in myself. thank you for allowing me to pursue and follow my dreams. words cannot describe how much you have done, how much it all means to me. i thank you with all my heart for being the best role models any child, young adult or human could ever ask for.