temper

my temper will forever get the best of me. recently it has come to my attention, thanks to a dear friend, that i am too quick to act on said temper. it has gotten the best of me multiple times in the last few months and i hate it. so i'm changing. not for anyone else but myself. it just so happens that it will benefit all those around me because they will be able to have a civil conversation with me without worrying about lighting the fuse to an explosion.

i don't like being quick to judge. i don't like getting mad at people. it's physically impossible for me to hold a grudge. with anyone. at all. ever. so why blow up in the first place? it doesn't make sense, i know. i feel like i'm pushing people away, because i probably am. and yet no one has ever said anything to my face. it makes my stomach hurt. knowing i treat some of my closest friends that way absolutely kills me and i can't stand it anymore. i lose sleep, i don't eat. it's awful, i feel like the worst person alive. i don't like being this way.

i'd like to blame it on genetics or something, just bad genes. but have you met my parents? there's no such thing as "bad genes", so it's just me. just a short tempered kid from KC. not anymore. i'm going to fix the problem. whether someone pushes me to my limits or not. whether i want to high five them... in the face... with a chair or not... things will get better.

and for those of you that know me, and don't think that it is even remotely possible? i have two words for you: watch me.